To save anyone looking for professional updates some time, let me state up front that this post has nothing to do with book updates or writing. Every once in a while, I get reflective about personal things, and this is one of those times. Read on at your own risk :).
Recently, my husband and I went to Florida to visit our family. We left our house about eleven hours after I turned in Once Burned, to give you an idea of my schedule. Three days after we arrived in Florida, I was in an Emergency Room with such pain on the left side of my chest that I thought I was having a heart attack at 38. That was ruled out after an EKG and blood work, but then the doctors wanted to make sure I didn’t have a pulmonary embolism, which they told me would be very bad. In the hours while I awaited my diagnosis, I was reminded of two things that I hadn’t focused on as much with my busy work schedule.
The first was the importance of my faith. In some circles, Christianity has become synonymous with intolerance, which makes me sad because I see its foremost message as love and forgiveness. Rather than get into a dispute over who’s right and who’s wrong, I’m going to touch upon what my faith means to me. It means that despite how afraid I was over what might be wrong with me – and I was very afraid – I didn’t lose hope. My husband waited with me in the ER, but when the nurse wheeled me off to have a CAT scan of my lungs, I was Patient X to her, which I don’t blame her for because she was focused, as she should be, on doing her job. I was focused on wondering if I’d see my family again, what the odds of recovery were if I did have a pulmonary embolism, and how I didn’t want to die because I wanted more time with my husband. When the nurse slid me into that long tube to have the lung scan done, it felt like everything had been stripped away from me except for one thing. My faith. Faith meant I wasn’t alone in that tube. It also meant that even if I didn’t have my husband waiting for me in the other room, or my family at home – who I didn’t tell about my ER visit because I didn’t want to worry them until we knew what was wrong – or my friends, I still wouldn’t be alone. To me, faith doesn’t mean that everything will always be okay, or that I’ll never be afraid, or even that I won’t wonder Why? when I look at all the injustice in the world. But it does mean that if everyone and everything else falls away from me, I still won’t be abandoned. I wish I could articulate it better than this, but even though words are my trade, they’re not sufficient to describe the difference my faith has made to me.
The other thing that resonated with me was how powerful love is. Yes, that sounds cliche, and if I was in one of my jaded moods, I’d stop reading right now if this was someone else’s blog. Yet I wasn’t the only one unsure of their fate in that ER, as you can imagine. In the same room, separated by a curtain, was an elderly man that sounded like he was perpetually drowning. He couldn’t even swallow his own spit without gagging, and he gasped for breath in between those awful heaving sounds.
I’ll be honest – I thought he was a goner. He did, too, and in between gagging, gasping, and heaving, he told his wife that he was going to die. Her response was an immediate “No, you’re not.” She said it with complete conviction, and when he asked her why, no doubt wondering if she’d heard something from the doctor, she replied, “Because I said so.”
My husband reassured me in similar ways that everything was going to be fine, and despite the worry in his expression, he said it with the same confidence she had. Of course he didn’t know that. Neither did the wife on the other side of that curtain, but they both said it because that’s what we needed to hear at the moment. I’ve been on the other side of hospital beds, too, telling people I cared about that it was going to be okay when I didn’t know if that was true. It’s not a lie, in my opinion. It’s a statement of hope whether it’s said from spouse to spouse, friend to friend, family to family, lover to loved one, or any other combination, and it’s the love behind the statement that makes it powerful. It makes a difference to the person hearing it, even if the outcome isn’t what we want it to be.
In both our cases that night, it was. The doctors ended up giving the elderly man a series of shots that stopped his symptoms, and they told him he could go home after a few hours of observation. Shortly after that, I was told that my lungs were clear and the pain I’d felt was from two inflamed layers of tissue over the lungs that rubbed together the wrong way, causing a searing sensation (probably explaining it wrong because I’m still not clear on the specifics, but all I knew was that it meant I was going home, too).
My follow-up instructions were minimal: Take prescription anti-inflammatories and get some rest. The biggest impact from my first real health scare is more emotional than anything else. I’m very grateful to be back home with my husband, I’m looking forward to seeing my family again in the spring, and the saying “Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed” holds a lot more weight. I’m also grateful for the faith that carries me whether the road is rocky or smooth. I’d be lost without it.
And I’m also glad to have a job I enjoy, so don’t think this post is my way of saying that I’m taking time off writing. I’m not. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do, and I’ll keep doing it as long as I can, but I will set better boundaries with my time and try to work more efficiently.
Speaking of that, I’ve rambled on long enough in this post :). I’ll close with a quote that sums up my feelings far more succinctly: “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Wow! We think alike! Loved this post, it is great to see and know more about the person who writes the books we like than about the writer who writes the books we like…
God bless you and take care of yourself, glad you have your faith (as I do) and your husband & loved ones to stand by you. Also, I love your books.
Well written I have faith it is not what others have or talk about in my circle of friends or community but i believe in my faith more than anything I too ended up in the er this past weekend and had a catscan done yesterday the scan came back clear they still have no idea whats wrong but i know that it wil all be all right because of my faith and the love i have in my life not just my family and friends but the love i have for lfe itself so no matter the outcome i know all will be right in my world…thank you for your blog and your books:)
Hope you are doing better. Thank you for your reply.
You know, when I was reading this, I kept thinking faith, hope, and love. Hugs. I hope you’re feeling better.
It sounds like you had pleurisy. I’ve been there. I don’t ever want to do that again.
So glad to know that you’re okay, and I hope you’re still doing well. I was glad to hear you talk about your faith so openly and how it helped you through such a scary time- what an inspiration! Also glad to hear that you’re not taking time off from writing (I was a little afraid that that was going to be the topic of this post!) Will keep you in and your family in my prayers.
Being a survivor of a PE I will let you know it is bad but something that can be cleared up quite quickly if caught early that is a tip for people who sit around with pain thinking it is nothing until they can not take it anymore DON’T cause even if it is something simple like our lucky Ms. J here at least u know. Happy to hear it was only a scare and keep on listening to yourself cause it knows you best.
So glad you recovered from PE!
I loved this post. I also have a very deep felt connection to my faith. I’ll admit my faith has evolved through the years (and my time in ca where I swear it was taboo to be religious) but it’s stronger than ever. I also am fortunately surrounded by people who love me and I feel so incredibly fortunate for them. My brush with death was at a much younger age (12 yrs) but it definitely woke me up and made me aware of the small things i used to miss… So glad you’re ok…and It truly sounds like your life is in a great place!! So happy for you!!
I’m glad to hear you’re ok and nothing seriously wrong. Sometimes it takes a wake-up call to remind us what’s important in life.
All I can say is, “thank you!” As I needed something to lift me up today and here it was. Funny how that works huh?!
didn’t mean to be vague, but to clarify, it touched me and reminded me and spoke to me of things i needed to remember to value and to be thankful for.. thank you for the hope.
Thank for the comment. It’s easy to get lost in the small stuff, isn’t it? Hope you have a lovely holiday!
Amazing how one moment can define your whole life….Great reading your thoughts and wish you a complete recovery.
I’m so glad that you are recovering and sharing this great lesson with us.
I’m glad you are alright! You are one of my favorite author’s, so keep writing! And thank you for posting this, so your fans could read it. It reminded my to keep my Faith, hope, and love, even when things get hard. To no matter what dont give up. Thank you, I needed that as a reminder!
Thanks so much for this post, Jeaniene. I am so glad you’re alright.
Thanks for sharing this story, and sharing your faith. Like Felicia, I needed this, and it’s nice to have a reminder 🙂
Glad to hear you’re ok!
Jeaniene, I am glad you are on the mend. I had a similar situation about five weeks ago. I felt many of the things you posted. Keep living life to its fullest. You are one of the best authors out there. I love your Cat and Bones books, and now
Vlad is getting his time to shine (combust/lol).
I really enjoyed this post. I am really glad you’re OK, and look forward to reading more of your books! Faith is an amazing thing, and you’re right, sometimes when you feel totally alone, you’re not.
It is wonderful hear that you are OK after a scare like that. It certainly does make you realize how important life and love is when you have been or are worried about what the future may hold in store for you.
We have just spent a week with my husband in the Intensive Care Unit in the hospital with quite a lot of uncertainty. It was probably the most frightening time that I remember in a great many years. We are fortunate that my husband was able to fight what had him in there and has now been released. We still have some questions and concerns, but doing what we need to to build his strength and keep him healthy.
I think when you are going through times of uncertainty you fall back on what is going to give you the most comfort, be that faith, trust hope or love. If the result is that you make it through relatively unscathed you can face the future with greater conviction and belief and live your life embracing that which is going to make you stronger.
Hope you continue to feel great and have no further scares!! All the best to you and your family.
I hope your husband is doing better. Hope you both have a healthy, happy holiday!
I’m so glad I happened across this post. It was a wonderful reminder of the little and big things that are so important in life. Just a couple of years into my writing career I survived a PE. It was a rough and scary time and I am so glad to hear that you did not have one. Take care and thank you for the post!
Glad you got through your PE. Thank you for your comment. Hope you have a great holiday!
I’m glad it was nothing serious, and I can understand your feelings completely. Please rest up, and thank you for sharing what happened with us. It means a lot:)
Jeanniene – When you feel you are weakest is when you find your real inner strength. Sounds like a postcard, doesn’t it? But it’s true. Seem like we have that experience in our lives. Maybe it’s a day or a night or just a moment; for others, it can be years. I really, really try to never judge anybody — cause you never know where they are, they could be in that moment, finding out how strong they are. Bless ’em.
Bless you too.
Thanks, and blessings back at you! 🙂
I’m a nurse and I think you did a awesome job describing your acute chest pain and your thoughts on it. You didn’t mention it but, I hope you plan on following up with your doctor and figuring out what caused your pericarditis.
Love your post! Keep the faith and hope you feel better soon, you’re my favourite writer and favourite person to read online;*
What a great post! So glad you are okay. Thanks for sharing that experience and for the transparency of your faith. Get some much deserved rest. <3
So glad you’re okay. Sometimes I think God put tests like these in our way, to make sure we stay grounded to the earth and remind us that without him we’re nothing 🙂 .
I’m so glad you’re ok. As for faith, it comes in more forms then christianity, but you have spoken beautifully of a religion that I’ve abondoned because of prejuduce and judgement. But i do have faith.
Scotty, thank you for your comment. Ghandi once said, “I like your Christ. But I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.” Sadly, in some cases, he was right. Deeply flawed people (myself included) are Christianity’s representatives, and that gives God an undeserved bad rap at times. I try not to focus my faith on the actions of other Christians, but on Christ. He’s the one who said, “Judge not lest ye be judged” and “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and “Love one another.” Good words to imperfectly attempt to live by, in my opinion.
Very well said Jeaniene, from a fellow Christian. Christians are not sinless, but strive to sin LESS. Love your books!
Oh JF I’m so glad your OK. I agree with! We all have to count our blessings. 🙂
Wow, Jeaniene, your Post isn´t cliche. Faith, Love and Hope belong together, i´m a Muslim, no matter what Religion you are, to trust in God, in his Forgiveness and Love is the most important thing.
I was here to say, that i love your Books, and they helped me through a tough time. Not just because of the message in them, but they catched me, make me laugh make me cry and reminded me that some relationships i tolerated in my life, were just simply wrong.
I beg you, please don´t stop writing, cause in some way, your books became good friends of me. I like to read them while i´m driving home to my parents in trains, in planes. waiting for my laundry, listening to the audio versions while i´m working during the summer holidays. Oh, i have to say (i´m living in germany) the audio book reader of your books Elke Schützhold is the best reader they could have found for cat and bones.
PS: Relaxe a while. You need to take a Rest. God bless you.
Thank you,
Cavis
Thank you, Cavis! And glad to hear that the German audiobooks turned out well :).
Came to your site for the first time today to check up on any books I have possibly missed. I have read all and Cat and Bones books, I was pleased to note. I enjoy them very much.
Good message. While an affirmed athiest, I can appreciate your belief in your faith. I am glad you are well.
So glad you are okay and back home safely. Please take care of yourself. We love your writing but I don’t think any fan wants you to jeopardize your health. Thanks for the post. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Thank you for sharing your story Jeanine. I’m glad you are on the mend.
The quote you put in the end: “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” was one my husband and I had read at our wedding. I think it beautifully sums up the strength of faith and hope by tying it to love. If more people would remember that, then we wouldn’t equate religion with intolerance any more.
Get better soon.
I’m so glad you’re feeling better. Your comments were very moving and I want to thank you for sharing them with us.
So glad to hear that you’re all right after that scare Jeaniene! And it’s nice to see (or read) someone who isn’t afraid to state that she has faith. I’m never going to be a politcally correct person so faith to me is very important. If more of us were willing to speak up maybe we could turn this world around some! Anyway, glad your OK and I’m looking forward to reading more of your words for years to come. Love ya Jeaniene!!!
OMG Jeaniene I’m so glad everything turned alright for you! I know exactly what you mean when a major health scare hits you and makes you rethink what is really important in your life. I had a very scary health situation and I thank God everyday that I’m ok now and I keep on thinking positive and not dwell on the what ifs. I enjoy life and savor the little things around me and enjoy the love around me and my faith. Take care of yourself and enjoy the beauty around you! 🙂
Glad to hear you’re okay, too! Health scares can be a real perspective adjuster, right?
Jeaniene,
Thank goodness everything turned out good for both you and the elderly gentlemen. Thank you very much for your post and your thoughts, they brought tears to my eyes as I wholeheartedly agree with you. In the end, it is just you and what you believe…..that is what really holds us up by our bootstraps (as my mother used to say).
Thinking of you and your family!
Thanks for sharing your personal story and you faith walk. One of my favorite scriptures goes along with what you are saying: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
Yes, that’s a great quote. So simple at yet so fathomless!
Glad you’re doing well, Jeaniene, and that you didn’t have a serious health issue.
What an awesome story!! I’m so glad that you and the other man are all right! I’m thrilled that you had your husband to support you and the Lord to carry you. Faith and love truly are powerful things and I’m glad you understand that as well. Thanks for sharing and I will pray for your continued health. ^_^
hello Jeaniene i am one of your biggest fans, i am so thankful you came out of that bad experience and you had faith and hope that kept you going… and of course your hubby. yes, i love your books and hope to hear more of them. please take care of yourself first before anything else for if your not with us and your family we will never hear anymore of your books and we wouldn’t get to talk to you our biggest inspiration(YOU)! so please keep us informed on your health and your new book. May God bless you and your family, thank you
What a great way to describe faith. I have a job I really like, and I travel over 40 weeks a year. I am alone, but rarely lonely, because of a faith that is always with me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. And I’m happy to hear that you are on the road to recovery from a very scary episode. Be well!
You travel over 40 weeks a year?!! God bless you, and I mean that. When I travel four weeks a year, I want to crawl in a cave for six months afterward, lol.
So glad to hear you were not struck with something more serious than a small reminder to stop and smell the roses. Love your books, but rather have you happy and healthy 🙂 God bless you.
I also am a writer who lives in the Chicago area. I write both stories and song lyrics, and feel that the message of this post could easily be turned into a dramatic song, perfect fodder for many singer-songwriter types. May choose to take this one on, and if I do will share the result. Many good wishes.